Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
