addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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