I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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