he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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