before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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