I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
