I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
