I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
