yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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