my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
