I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
