If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
