I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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