I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
