FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
