Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
