do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
