I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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