I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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