he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have aggressive nipples.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
