After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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