i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
