I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We got so high we made milksteak
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
