wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
