I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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