Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
