So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
