I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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