Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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