Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
