I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
