Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
