Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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