so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again