Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.