Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity