before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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