We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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