She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
