A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
