aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
