White coat. Heels.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
