D3 body, D1 cock
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat