Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."