party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"