i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY