do herpes really smell.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
