She said her name was "party"
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
