I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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