i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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