Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
