someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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