i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize