Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
