life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
