Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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