Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
