It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
