just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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