margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My feet surprised me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
