So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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