I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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