Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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