Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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