So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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