he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
