i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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