I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
