we have pet lesbian snakes
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
