He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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