I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
